False Dichotomies

If anyone else is interested in writing a Guest Dichotomies, be in touch…

In Cairo, Barack Obama laid out his vision for the new Middle East. Its particulars were not new, but the idea of a President genuinely committed to comprehensive regional peace was. Obama laid out the path towards peace between Israel and the Palestinians. It was, as Alex rightly put it, an incrementalist approach. There was no comprehensive solution; just an idea of what the first steps needed to be and a vision of the future. Read more

This is what I would have said last week. I understand that the following may not be complete, and I’m also sorry for the occasionally cheesy language. But ideas are better than deconstructions, and it’s a shame that the many commentaries on Bibi’s speech haven’t been matched by alternative visions. So here, for what it’s worth, is mine. I hope others will pick up the baton…Hat-Tip to Nas.

The Israeli-Palestinian conflict has persisted for over 100 years because it is a conflict of right vs right. The establishment of the State of Israel marked the fulfilment of the ceaseless yearnings of millions of Jews for a return to the land from which we were exiled but never forgot, a land that we cried out for every day in our prayers and dreams, a land in which we dreamed of resurrecting our national culture, a land in which we would provide a safe haven for our brothers and sisters suffering from persecution around the world. Read more

This is a guest-piece from Falsedi’s roving correspondent The Hoth…

The IDF has come under criticism from an unlikely source, having inadvertently walked into a minefield thanks to revealing its latest technology for use on a minefield. The ‘Robot Snake’ – developed by military scientists as a potent means of spying on enemy movements – has been denounced in the strongest terms by the ADL, who accuse the army of “playing straight into the hands of the most virulent anti-Semites”.

 “By developing a product such as the spy-snake, the Israeli military have willingly reinforced one of the most insidious stereotypes of Jewish people”, said the ADL spokesman in a written statement. “For centuries, Jews have been represented as snakes and serpents in racist cartoons and other propagandist imagery; the army know this, yet seem completely indifferent to the sensitivity of the situation – hence they are proudly boasting of their battle-snake to all and sundry without a second thought for the consequences”.

In response, an IDF source (speaking on condition of anonymity) revealed that military chiefs had, in fact, thought long and hard about the connection to the coarse caricatures: “It might sound strange, but we actually took inspiration from such images. Since the prejudices and stereotypes abound regardless of what we do, we decided we might as well make creative use of their accusations – which led to the spy-snake’s conception”. Next in line for development, according to the source, are giant metal claws “which can fit round the Earth and squeeze natural resources such as oil and minerals into a massive funnel leading into Israeli ports and harbours. However, some of our team are cautioning that such a project may be impractical, due to the difficulties of controlling the claws via satellite, so we are concurrently developing as back-up a thousand-mile wide spider which will be able to spin a silken web right around the globe, trapping the entire non-Jewish populace of Earth and holding them captive in order for the Jews to feast on their innards”.

Defence analysts from British and American consultancies are sceptical about the viability of such plans. “Whilst the spy-snake is undoubtedly a triumph in the IDF’s quest to utilise anti-Semitism in its fight against anti-Semitism, the chances of either the claws or spider getting off the ground are slim to none”, said a senior editor at Jane’s Review. “We have heard such grandstanding from the IDF before, but – as with the lacklustre showing from their collaboration with Rakusen’s on the baby-crushing-matza-maker of 2005 – we are sceptical of their ability to deliver on such large-scale ventures as described”.

No one from the IDF chief of staff’s office was available for comment, since the entire Kirya staff was attending the unveiling of the air force’s new super-bat, which hangs suspended from the moon wearing a shtreimel whilst turning the lights out on the entire Muslim world.

With Rosh Hashanah approaching, we gather to receive our gifts. We are the Hayalim Bodedim, deemed worthy of special salutation – not to mention snacks and free supermarket coupons. But who are we really? Some are like me: olim who have left their families thousands of miles away. Others are soldiers from broken homes of various shades, those who have to work outside of army hours in order to survive. These are our heroes. Read more

1. Feeling the hate in Jerusalem – the remix.

2. Obama Foodarama. 

3. Shoes.

4. Tablet.

5. On Obama, Hijab, and Women.

6. The Humbling.  

7. Obama beach.  

8. Penis envy.

9. Convert.  

10. Smell of books.

I am the first to write – the correspondent is a now former email chum from India…

Subject: When we kill protesters, we normally do it with tear gas canisters…

A benevolent presence indeed.

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/la-fg-kashmir-rape9-2009jun09,0,899322.story?track=rss

Re. When we kill protesters, we normally do it with tear gas canisters…

Need lessons from “the most moral army in the world” – cluster bombs, white phosphorous, dogs feeding on a child’s corpse…

Re. When we kill protesters, we normally do it with tear gas canisters…

It’s not about lessons; it’s about the simple fact that I acknowledge what my government is doing and try and do what I can to change it (raise awareness, go out and confront outpost builders, tours of East Jerusalem etc etc), whereas you claim that the Indian presence in Kashmir is somehow benign.
A Read more

Last week I was called a ‘Liberal Incrementalist’. Type the two words into Google and you’ll find that it’s not a widely used term. On reflection, though, it’s a useful term, especially when not used derogatively, and it needs to be insisted upon in opposition to those who think the Israeli-Palestinian conflict can be solved tomorrow. Purveyors of this fantasy think that President Obama can just force Israel to unilaterally withdraw from the Occupied Territories and then everything will be ok. But Obama himself is a bit of a Liberal Incrementalist, and this is all to the good, especially if he gets his priorities right. Read more

1. 70% of Israeli-Arabs in the north lack bomb-shelters.

2. Should creative writing be taught?

3. Double-standards.

4. Seth on the Kindle.

5. The Doctor’s new companion.  

6. The Road.

7. Baskin vs Glick.

8. John Sutherland on Amis.

9. For those in Zion: the party of the year.

10. Family axes wedding plans, Egyptian cuts off penis.

The two soldierettes are staring at the computer with an intensity which suggests they are on the verge of cracking the Iranian nuclear codes. They’ve been like this for the last twenty minutes, while I just sit and watch. This is the third time that we’ve gone through this ritual, and I hope finally a solution might be found. After all, I remind them, I haven’t asked for the world… Read more

“When we tell people about the Jewish-Kashmiri Dialogue-Group (JKDG), their reaction is usually one of bewilderment. “There are Jews in Kashmir?!?” they say. Or, “Where’s Kashmir?” At best they ask, “What do Jews and Kashmiris have to talk about?” The answer is: A lot. One of us, Alex Stein – an Israeli – traveled to Kashmir during his post-army trip to India. While there, he wrote an article about the Kashmiri struggle for independence from India on The Guardian’s Web site, attracting attention from local people who were heartened by outsiders supporting their call for autonomy. This prompted Alex to forge a connection between Kashmiris and Diaspora Jews.” Read on at Haaretz.